ire’ne lara silva – Poetry
diabetic love song
understand there are things i will never do with you
i will never go to the beach with you in the summer
i will never share a stack of pancakes with you
i will never stay up all night
tossing back tequila shots or beers
i need naps and i need rest
and when i get too tired i stop functioning
my brain begins its meltdown at 90 degrees
i will cancel plans
this will all be more than i can bear
and now there are pills in the morning
and pills at night and more than one syringe a day
there may be three there may be four
and everywhere everywhere there are alcohol pads
in the house in the restroom on the floor in my purse in my pocket
and spent lancets and testing strips with one miniscule drop of blood
and i will always be pricking my fingers and pricking my fingers
and pricking pricking pricking
i can never skip meals
i will always need more water
i will always have doctors’ appointments looming
and sometimes i will rail against all of it
howl and gnash my teeth and throw things about
i will despair and there will be nothing you can do
and sometimes when i am tired and hungry
i will become a screaming monster
felled only by exhaustion
given that time is short
given that the number of my days is unknown
i have no patience now for people who put off their dreams
people without dreams
people dedicated to accumulation and consumption
people who fill their lives with drama and noise
because they can think of nothing better to do
given that time is short
i will cut corners everywhere
and preserve energy for what is essential:
creating and passion and love and beauty and quiet
i will never make beds or iron or clean baseboards
will never go to a mall or a baby shower
or any event for the sake of appearances
i will never again try to make my family love me
i will always be working on letting go of things that hurt me
will always be intent on healing on becoming stronger
and sometimes that will make me flint-faced and harsh
and sometimes it will make me the compassionate being
i want to live my life as
and sometimes i won’t know the difference
but if you stay
if you stay
i will love you always
love you fiercely
love you as if you were the only one i ever loved
love you like my last hope
my only hope
i will give you the light of my eyes
and the touch of my lips
and the hot of my hands
i will be your road going
and your road returning
and most of all
most of all
i promise
i will never give up
As Us 
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